Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
