Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
