My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
