Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize