OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
