She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
