I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
