You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
