I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize