in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
