I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
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I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
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When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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