Moan for me like Helen Keller
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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