there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize