every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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