Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
