Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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