Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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