I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
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He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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