Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize