No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
