Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just want to make out with him forever
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
