You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
