So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
