Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
should my penis look like a turkey
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
