i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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