Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
