I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
