It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
