so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
