Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
