Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm really busy with my period
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