I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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