Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
