I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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