we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
