Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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