8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This is the high leading the old right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You need a sexual gate keeper
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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