Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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