Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
