I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
