Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
