I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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