Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
