the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
