You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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