You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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