I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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