Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
