Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
