I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
