it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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