These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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