I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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