I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
