How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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