You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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