i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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