Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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