it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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