Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
