If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
