Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
