i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
